shades of grey

It's easy to forget everything that is right in your life. You take the bad and magnify it so that it clouds anything worthy of your time. This is a habit I'm trying hard to overcome. I've found myself wanting to step back into the shadows of a social group I've been apart of for 4 years now and reassessing everything and everyone that is of importance. Not to say I don't appreciate every friendship I have formed over the years and even new ones found recently but as you grow you learn who is there to better your existance and who is only there to suck any ounce of confidence and fun you own.

It's a harsh realisation when the ones you cared about for so long no longer exist in your life because when it comes down to it, you were never really friends. Just two humans occupying each other's space for a while, providing an illusion of respect and kindness. Because of this I hope to meet new people. Easier said than done really. Unless you're backpacking around Europe and wearing the same clothes for a week, people don't usually come up to you just to chat and find out who you are and what you're about. It's sad really. Because of this I've been craving travelling again. My bank balance suggests that is not an option right now. Sigh.

Every couple of weeks after a complete meltdown I find myself trying to think up ways to improve this fucked up situation I'm in. None of which have been put into action yet, another habit I'm trying to kick; laziness. A patronising, mind fuck of a distant friend once said to me to be confident and happy in my youth, put all my brilliant talents and work hard then great things will find me. Even though I wasn't asking for my fucking star sign, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I have a lot more important things to invest my energy into.