I dream of NYC.

I've been neglecting this little blog. I guess it's a mix of busy writing other things and life getting too chaotic to write anything at all. When most people find it therapeutic to write down their life experiences and thoughts, I tend to struggle and don't actually like doing it at all. If I write it all down in black and white then I'm forced to properly acknowledge it and face up to it all. I'm not ready to do that just yet. I wouldn't even know where to start, to know where it all went wrong. Time is fleeting and a lot has happened. I want the world to stop, I want to get off this stupid ride.

I need a new crowd. And I need to start making wiser decisions. To make yourself a better person at this age is fucking difficult. With a mix of parties and substances, its easy to spiral into self destruction. It doesn't make it easier when you've lost the one person that keeps you sane and safe. If studying next year doesn't happen for me then I think I want to move away. This city is becoming suffocating. I dream of New York. Living in a loft in Brooklyn, working with creative people and gaining some perspective. Meeting new and exciting people to refuel my confidence and realising there is more out there. Although, I'd miss my girls, and I'd miss him. Perhaps sacrifices need to be made.

There's the things that make you happy and the things that make you destructive. Some times the line between the two can become blurry. Ahhh, so that's where I went wrong! Now its time to redeem myself and grow up. And move to New York of course.