I want an Ipod filled with bands I've never heard of.
I want a party where nobody knows my name.
I want a story thats never been told.

2010

I haven't written on this for some time now.  I haven't felt much like writing lately and I guess life has gotten in the way. Christmas and New Years has been and gone and I've spent a lot of time drinking, eating and sleeping on my time off work. Today however, is the first day back at this god forsaken hell hole. A slight tear rolled down my cheek as I entered the building. Please oh please don't be here for another year!

You know how they say the way you spend New Years is the way you'll spend the rest of the year? Well hopefully that's a load of bullshit, otherwise I have a very lonely yet over dramatic year ahead of me. The one thing I hoped wouldn't happen, did. I stood side by side with my ex for New Years count down and even though I love the guy to bits and for the first part of the night was having an amazing fun time with him, there was still a lot of sadness. After all we've been through we still somehow managed to be together to ring in 2010. What the fuck?  But that sadness soon turned into drunken drama when it got too hard being around each other without actually being with each other. Which resulted in a quick exit in the rain to catch a cab outta there. Happy fucking New Year right?

But it's a brand new year, new decade even and today I'm having some sort of midday/life crisis. Craving change. My whole life situation needs to be flipped. A new job and a new home (the amount of rent I pay could save a whole village in Africa) are the first things I need to get my life in order ie. save money for my getaway plan. I still haven't heard back from Uni and to be honest I keep forgetting I even applied. Once I hear the verdict then it's time to make some big decisions.

I also need a massive detox in the boy department. 2009 saw a lot of fleetings flings with a scatter of complete douchbags. I plan on being a lot more wiser this year with my choices. But boys is the last thing I'm concerned about right now. I've wasted too much energy and time playing games. I'm out.

New Year, new job, new home, new savings account, new outlook on life. I'm wishing myself all the luck in the world, cos I'm going to need it!

rare and precious.

I forgot to mention in my last post how I was reminded of the wonderful friends (more like family really) that I have. As I said earlier some friends - Charlie, Jenni, Hannah and Frankie, came over to meet my parents and drink some wine. Earlier that day something slightly funny, kinda confusing and really interesting happened to me and I needed some solid advice on how to view it all and what my next move should be. Everyone eventually knew what went down and everyone had their opinon on it. As I sat on the seat infront of my four dear friends that suddenly had turned into a panel much like the TV show, 'The View' (never watched it so I'm assuming here), I was amazed at how interested and concerned they were and their opinons and thoughts were quite indepth. I thought the discussion had ended but then I looked over at Hannah and Frankie and they were immersed in a conversation still about my new dilemma, weighing up my options and what the cryptic meaning behind it all was. I had to laugh at how amazingly great they are.

I rely heavily on my friends advice, from boys to life to even which skirt to wear. Although every now and again I do sometimes ignore their wise words and go off on a trail of mass destruction. Wow, that sounds intense, never that bad but sometimes I do end up doing things that aren't best for me. I'm slowly learning, I promise. It's important to keep these kind of friends close to you because they're the ones that even though you do sometimes fuck up, they're the ones that will never judge and are there to dish out all their wisdom to make sure you're happy.

I took their advice on board but I'm still confused. But I usually am.

the week that was....

Just a few snap shots of the past week. From Monday to Friday I was busy having play dates with the ladies. Having Jenni down from QLD was exactly what I needed. A taste of home to pull my feet back to the ground and remind me of the dear friends I have.  On Wednesday we went to the Night Markets (as usual) and were treated to a most amazing performance from the Victorian Police Force. Band name, Code One. I have never been happier to witness such a thing and now there is no way I can take the police seriously. Especially after they sang Lady GaGa's 'Just Dance'.  They certainly knew how to draw in a crowd. From old drunk men to innocent old grandmas the whole crowd loved them. Thursday night my parents arrived. Once they were asleep,  Jenni and I met Charlie at Carlton Club and strangely enough it was Hawaiian themed. I honestly had the intention of only have one beer and then leaving but true to character I was there until 3am drapped in a Hawaiian lay. Work the next day was torturous but the excitment for Friday night got me through. A bunch of friends came over to meet the folks and then we headed to Ding Dong to see a friends band, Reptiles, play. Then it was off to Carlton Club (again) but this time it was actually only for one drink. A new friend of mine was at a party being held for some dude from Triple J.. Possibly the best fun I've had out in ages! To get out of the usual 'scene' and hang out with new friends is exactly what I've been craving. I wish I remembered I had my camera on me to take more photos of that night. Staying at my friends instead of going home was both a great and bad idea. I knew mum and dad would wake up early and wonder where I was so I caught a cab at 6:30am. But it was too late. Jenni had my keys so I had to knock on the door only for my mother to answer and see me holding my heels and looking like trash. Good morning Mother! Class A. She laughed and I dragged myself up to bed. I spent the rest of the weekend with mum and dad doing practically nothing. Which was the downside to a wonderful week.

And now a new week begins and to be honest, I'm feeling a little down. On Thursday I'm loosing my Charles to Europe for 7 weeks. What will I do without my dear wife? If only I could go travelling with her, it would do me a world of good. I am enjoying Melbourne a lot more lately but I still wouldn't mind frolicking around Europe.  Again Facebook got me down, only for a minute or so. I really should click that delete button and be done with it. Or learn how to deal with that little flicker of anger that washes over me almost instantly. It really is a character flaw.

So I hope the next following weeks are filled with more adventures with new and old friends. Things really do have the capability of being super exciting right now. Fingers crossed.

I could eat you up I love you so....

from one thing to the next.

After a few weekends in, hiding away at Tivoli Place, I had my first socially busy weekend out. Saturday morning breakfast with my friend Thomas, which fuelled my desire to move to NYC as he told stories about Jay-Z and Brooklyn living,  followed by an afternoon at Blackbird Markets drinking beer and watching Frankie's band. Then it was off to Charlie's to give her a much needed cuddle, she was sufferring from self inflicted pain caused by a massive night out and the only thing to fix that was burgers and episodes of Full House. We eventually left the Tanner household and headed over to Alex's to warm his house. There I made an instant friend. A gay guy grabbed me and said, "Let's be friends tonight! I can tell I'm going to like you!". Wow. Thanks dude. So for the next 3 hours we were best friends until I hailed a cab alone and made my way to Carlton Club. That's when the night gets hazy and I stumbled out of Pony at 6am. Classy. I did manage to sneak in some sleep before having to get up and head to Thomas' picinc in the Botanical Gardens. My lovely house wife Charlie made potato salad and caramel slice and we spent the afternoon making daisy chains and eating treats with some new and old friends. After all that I eventually passed out on the couch for a few hours but not before eating so many salt and vinegar chips that I burnt my tongue on flavour. Yuck!

As the year comes to a close, things are finally starting to look bright again. This week may just top the last. My best friend from QLD arrived last night so I can't wait to show her around and then on Thursday my parents arrive and are staying with me over the weekend. I'm feeling a little nervous/strange about having my parents stay with me. I have plans on Friday night and actually asked my mother for permission to go out. What the fuck!? My mum has never been strict and I don't think I ever asked for permission to go out when I was 16 so don't ask me why I'm doing it now. I just won't be able to stay at Pony until 6am and arrive home as they're waking up. That is one thing no parent needs to witness.

You Suck.

This is no time to be writing a blog post. It's 2am and I am beyond being able to fall asleep due to a million thoughts racing through my head. This is also no time to jump on Facebook. My lack of sleep these days is no help for me to think rationally and I am this close to becoming passive aggressive via status update. Just like back in the days in the school yard when you'd shout petty things to your nemesis just to hit em' where it hurts even though it's completely immature.Sometimes you gotta take the high road. So what are my options? Log out of Facebook? Delete a few people? Sign out of Blogspot? Turn computer off? GO TO SLEEP? Because even though I'm tossing and turning in bed over thinking everything that has gone wrong and I'm becoming increasingly delirious and mad, I really shouldn't be writing publicly in this state, even if it makes me feel better. But then again, who cares? I'm not one to bottle my feelings up and being such an open person is a dangerous trait. I'll tell a stranger all my secrets. Instant trust could one day be my downfall. But so is Facebook yet I keep going back. Addiction is a bitch.

I fell asleep on the couch tonight while watching a Spanish zombie film yet I am unable to fall asleep in the quiet of my own bedroom. Seems the sound of Spanish zombies on a killing spree is a lot more soothing than any thoughts running through my head. Awesome.